


Is That Code?

by Waldo



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s02e02 In the Shadow of Two Gunmen Part 2, Episode: s02e10 Noel, Gen, Hanukkah, Humor, language gaffes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-12-09
Updated: 2001-12-09
Packaged: 2017-10-06 01:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waldo/pseuds/Waldo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam wants Josh to teach him some Hebrew.  Toby thinks it's purely to infuriate him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is That Code?

**Author's Note:**

> References "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen" and "Noel", but seriously, it's a humorous story. Title comes from a line from "Indians in the Lobby" but the story has nothing to do with that episode.

**Monday Morning**

"Hey, got a minute?"

Josh looked up from his stack of file folders. "Sure."

"You and Toby are going to that thing on Wednesday, right?" Sam asked flopping down on Josh's couch.

"The dinner with the guys from Venezuela or Viet-nam or something, yeah."

"Okay, I need you to teach me something before you go."

"What would that be?" Josh tossed his pen down and eyed Sam skeptically.

"Well, with both you and Toby out of the building Wednesday night, the President has asked me to attend the candle lighting thing. The Hanukkah... thing. And I need to know that prayer you say."

Josh snickered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Not nothing, you're laughing at me. Why?"

"Well, it's just that it's about time the tables got turned on someone. If I have to go to one more damn tree lighting..."

"So you'll teach me the thing?"

"I'll... write it down for you. Check with Donna later. I need to do this."

"Thanks.

**Monday Afternoon**

"Donna?"

"Hey, Sam. Josh said to give this to you when I saw you." She handed him a paper with what looked to Sam like a secret code.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"He said it's the thing you asked him to write down for him." She had her doubtful-but-dutiful secretary face on. "Hey, Sam... you don't think... I mean, last year at this time... he wasn't..."

Realization dawned on Sam. "He's fine. He's having fun with me."

He walked into Josh's office without knocking. C.J. was on his chair and Josh was laying down on the couch. "All right, smartass." Sam wadded up the paper and threw it at him.

"What?" Josh said managing to convince C.J. if not Sam of his oh-so-sincere confusion.

"Come on, I ask you for a little help, and I get a smartass answer. What am I supposed to do with that?" Sam went around and fell into Josh's desk chair, the only place left to sit.

C.J. grabbed the wadded up paper from the floor and opened it. "What's this?"

"It's the information Sam asked me for," Josh informed her innocently.

"Sam asked you to write in code?" C.J. was turning the paper around and around trying to decide which way it went.

Josh took it from her, glanced at it, turned it over and handed it back. "This way. And it's not code; it's Hebrew."

"You passed Sam a note in Hebrew?" C.J. asked glaring back and forth between them, trying to decide what kind of mischief the two of them were up to now.

"That isn't Hebrew. I've seen Hebrew, and that's not it," Sam protested.

"Sure it is. It's cursive. The print is too hard to write quickly." Josh sat up.

"You don't really know Hebrew," Sam challenged.

"Not conversationally or anything, but I was Bar Mitzvahed, I know enough to get by."

"Yeah, well, I need to know just enough to get me through Wednesday, so would you mind... giving it to me in the Phonecian alphabet, smartass?" Sam was inordinately fond of that word that afternoon.

"You got stuck with that one?" C.J. asked him as Josh sat up and grabbed a pen from the edge of his desk and started writing.

"Yeah, since the only two people who could do this without making fools of themselves are going to be entertaining the new Venezuelan ambassador that night. I come in here, ask for some help, humble myself, and I get that-" Sam stabbed a finger at the paper Josh was writing on, "instead."

"Here," Josh wadded up the paper and threw it back at him. "Better?"

Sam uncrumpled the paper and glanced over it. "Um..." he frowned at the transliteration. "Yeah... I think."

Josh pointed to C.J., "So we can get back to this?"

Sam raised an eyebrow, still looking at the paper, not sure if it was the language or Josh's handwriting that was slowing him down the most. "Hm? Right, sorry." He got up and left.

**Tuesday Morning**

Sam was muttering the same few words over and over as he walked through the communications bullpen. Toby caught a few words of utter nonsense and stopped him. "Sam?"

"Hm?" Sam asked, all innocence.

"What the hell are you muttering about?" Toby leaned on the fax machine.

"Josh taught me the thing for Wednesday. I'm... practicing. I think I have the first half down." Sam picked up the latest wires and headed back for his office.

"The thing... the _brucha_?" Toby followed him into his office.

"Yeah, I'm trying to memorize it for Wednesday." Sam flopped in his chair.

"Okay, let me hear it."

&lt;{*}&gt;

"Josh!"

Donna jumped as Toby barreled through their bullpen. "In his office," she said, before he could yell at her for whatever Josh did this time.

"Joshua Lyman?!"

Josh jumped, covering his phone receiver with his hand before removing it to say, "Listen, Harold, I'm going to have to call you back, tell the Senator I can see him Thursday sometime. Call Donna and she'll set it up. Right. Bye." He hung up and glared at Toby. "What can I help you with?"

"I broke a toy, I dunno why, the hell if I know. I'd share if I want to..."

"Okay, um, Toby, you do realize you aren't making one damn bit of sense, right?" Josh leaned back in his chair, putting as much distance between them as he could.

"Sam said you taught him the brucha for Wednesday. 'I broke a toy, I dunno why, the hell if I know. I'd share if I want to...' he repeated, watching Josh double over in laughter behind his desk.

"Damn! That's funny! Where'd you get that?"

"Sam said you taught it to him."

"No, no, I gave him the real transliteration – but Sam likes mnemonics. That must be how he's remembering it. That's pretty good."

Toby left muttering, "Five Thousand years, the religion is five thousand years old, the language is five thousand years old, hasn't been changed in all that time... it takes Mutt and Jeff four hours to destroy it."

On his way through to his office he noticed the President standing at Donna's desk and overheard him asking, "Donna, we have that Menorah lighting tomorrow. Leo thought it might be a good idea for Josh to teach me the blessings."

Donna smiled at him, "Sure. He has finance on the Hill in like fifteen minutes, but I'll get with Mrs. Landingham and schedule you some time together. Or... I think he taught Sam since he's going to be there with you, you could check with him. He told me earlier that he had the first half memorized already."

The President smiled at her, "I'll do that, thanks."

**Wednesday Afternoon**

"So, you ready for the next two?" Josh smirked at Sam, still going over and over the crumpled paper.

"Next two?" Sam squeaked. "It took me a day and half for this one."

Josh handed him a piece of paper. More Hebrew, and under it the English.

"I'm going to make you learn every Christmas carol I know," Sam muttered, going over the paper.

"No you aren't," Josh said on his way out.

"You want to bet?" Sam called after him.

Josh stuck his head back in the door. "Yep. I have a doctor's note excusing me from Christmas carols until I out-grow my psychotic reactions to them."

Sam threw a wadded up piece of scrap paper at him mumbling, "So this is how it's gonna be..."

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: The real transliteration for the first brucha is: Baruch a-tah addonai, elohaynu meluch ha-olam. A-sher kidishanu bamitzva-tov vitzivanu lehadlik ner, shel Hanukkah.
> 
> So, say these two lines in succession, if you haven't worked it out:
> 
> I broke a toy. I dunno why, the hell if I know. I'd share if I want to.
> 
> Baruch a-tah addonai , elohaynu meluch ha-olam. A-sher kidishanu
> 
> When my dad converted to marry my mom, this is how he memorized it. I don't think she's forgiven him for teaching it to my brother and me.


End file.
